Valentine’s day is almost upon us once again. Why is it that some people really look forward to this event and others couldn’t care less?
Individual circumstances play a part in this – however the most important factor is personality. Each one of us responds to events according to our personality. For most things in life this is fine, however for an event such as Valentine’s day there tend to be two personalities involved and this is where it becomes complicated. People are often attracted to their opposite and when this means opposite personality there can be a huge gulf in expectations about how Valentine’s day should, or indeed, whether it should be celebrated.
Most of us would be ready to accept that there could be mega challenges between people with different or opposite personalities, yet many people with an attitude in common can still experience difficulties.
Is there such a thing as a romantic personality? Perhaps some people seem more romantic than others. Those with introverted intuition are often described as romantic, mainly because they can be seen as dreamy, otherworldly, and with a mind on more noble things. Is this romance? The dictionary states that romance can be characterised by an idealised, sentimental or fantastic view of reality, remote from experience.
Some people who share an Introverted attitude, may have a Feeling preference that may add to the view that they have a romantic nature, yet the Feeling preference could be more to do with their own and less to do with other’s feelings -which means that it is not very romantic at all!. Introverted Feeling people tend to prefer their own company and thoughts and are not really keen on sharing these with others.
Other people may have an Introverted Sensing preference and because they are quieter, more reflective and seem sincere, this can be used to support the idea of them being more romantic types. Those with an Introverted Thinking preference can also be seen as more romantic to others because they may have taken great care to identify a suitable romantic break, that they are going to treat their partner to. They will fastidiously gather and analysing all sorts of information to find the ultimate romantic outing. After organising all the booking of arrangements, they may surprise their partner by springing this treat on them as a fait accompli.
All these types share the attitude of Introversion which, even when not the reality, makes them seem more thoughtful and caring. There’s an air of soulfulness that goes with romance and it is enhanced when a bit of mystery is created by not fully knowing what in introverted person is thinking. There’s also danger lurking here! What if two people share the same attitude of introversion yet their preferences are very different? Say for example an Introverted Sensing person had as a partner an Introverted Intuitive person. They would get along to an extent through their shared introversion, however these very different preferences could cause a fair bit of discord.
The Introverted Intuitive partner wants to arrange a romantic getaway and arranges to take their partner on a surprise weekend spending it at a first class hotel where there will be a luxury bedroom with dinner, wine and dancing to be enjoyed. This person is keen to delight their partner with the surprise created. The surprise is sprung on the Introverted Sensing partner the evening before they depart for the great adventure; is the partner pleased? Not a bit of it. Firstly, Introverted Sensors hate surprises. They want to be fully prepared for any eventuality. Secondly, spending time at a dance with strangers is never going to be their idea of fun, and when they compare what will be spent on this outing compared to other more sensible things that they would like or perhaps need, they become totally outraged.
Shared attitude / Different preferences
It’s easy to see that something arranged from one person’s perspective, using their preferences may be done with the best of intentions, yet can go very badly wrong. If the shoe had been on the other foot it could just as easily have ended in disaster as the Introverted Sensing partner would in all probability not arrange the sort of treat that would appeal to their Introverted Intuitive partner. Similar situations arise with the other variations of preferences. Yes these people all share Introversion however they deal with their world in very different ways.
When this amount of discord can come about with people who at least share the same attitude, think how much worse the situation could be between people with an introverted attitude who have a partner with an extraverted attitude, the complexities only increase.
How on earth do relationships survive could be the question this expose of the different preferences might raise. We all know that some do and some don’t, so there must be more than just personality at stake – and yes there’s a great deal more. People are complex and it is never easy to pigeon-hole them. They may share much in common in terms of attitude or they could have different attitudes and share preferences. Whatever the mix the result will be the same – relationships have to be worked at.
Understanding a partner’s attitude and preferences is a start and even armed with all this information it would still be difficult to say with any certainty that one person’s idea of being romantic will be the same as another’s. The advantage this understanding brings about is at least an awareness that we should each be looking at what it is that makes our partner tick and not assume that just because we like something done in a certain way this will be suitable for them. This may not sound too romantic, yet it could save many a vulnerable relationship!
You may also enjoy reading about how we made a Personality Test that is easy to use.